Wedding Bells Part One - Getting Started Planning Your Wedding!
Evening! I'm still catching up with the backlog of posts I have stored up for the Interverse. As you may have read in my last post last year got a little hectic between work and social life and my little blog fell to the way side somewhat. So for that I apologise to whomever of you is reading this and cares just a bit! It was the curse of 2016.
Today I sit here a married lady *Woop Woop*. I still forget and I am constantly correcting myself to my new surname. Gets me a few strange looks but I'm sure it will sink in eventually.
I am not trying to sound smug but I really would like to help any of you out there approaching matrimony because it is an expensive minefield and some times it feels as if you are jumping in blind and everyone is trying to tell you what to do.
I am going to endeavor not to do that but rather just tell you what I did. Here I am going to lay out how I did it in some hopefully logical steps. It worked for me and that's not to say it won't work for you, it may not be how you want to do it but take from it what you will. Crikey even find what you definitely don't want but it is just an offering of what I learned.
As many of you may know planning a wedding is up there amongst moving house, having a baby etc (SPOILERS - one of which I had also done by the end of 2016!).
There is so much to think about - colour scheme? Dress? Flowers? Church or registry office? What paperwork needs to be done and when? Do you want bridesmaids? How many? Do you want kids at the wedding? Where will you have the wedding? The seating plan - who will sit next to that awkward family member who doesn't talk to X, Y or Z? Rings? Where will you have the reception and what will you eat/drink?
So first of all I say this. DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU AND YOUR FIANCE WANT TO DO AND (to be very blunt) FUCK EVERYONE ELSE. IT'S YOUR WEDDING. I don't know about any of you but I only intend to do it once and it is the one time you are allowed to be selfish.
*Note whilst I have sectioned these up in a somewhat logical order many of these will run almost simultaneously
Whadd'ya Want?
Monkey is not an extravagant fellow. He is pretty understated to say the least. Had I let him have it his way we would've eloped and combined the wedding with the honeymoon in New Zealand and either would have had little or no family with us.
At first I wanted to do this too but I realised I wanted my mum, dad and sister there too. I wanted to be walked down the aisle by my dad. Then if we extended the offer to my family we had to do the same to Monkey's and suddenly the wedding party was growing fast. We asked my parents if they would come if we did it down under but they couldn't face the long trip. For me that was the idea off the table. My family unit is a small one. We have other family whom we love of course, but growing up, it was mainly the 4 of us so to not have them there just wouldn't work for me. Monkey realised this.....or I said as much....and so we compromised on a small wedding and reception (or party as Monkey called it) in the UK and the honeymoon in New Zealand being the main event or cost. So early days we decided on catering it ourselves and providing our own bar as we knew that this would help keep cost down.
Then there was picking a date. Monkey had to book his holiday for the year in late December/early January and for me working at the Teahouse I had a set week in August and over Christmas. We knew we wanted to go over to New Zealand during their early summer when the weather would be nice but we wouldn't be paying peak prices so that meant a November honeymoon (New Zealand peak time is December to January/February). This meant deciding on the when's fairly early. Winter can be a good time for a wedding but it is a double edged sword in late December. For most wedding locations winter is a low point of the year but then in the holiday season many of them turn to Christmas parties to make up their income. You also must factor that Christmas is always a time when people want to be with their loved ones so you might find that many of your friends are unavailable. This also meant that the honeymoon could be before the wedding.....This gave us August.
Finally guest list. Do you want a big wedding or a small one? We were aware of our budget and also aware of having the people we loved there. We set an absolute maximum which for us was 100 people and that helped. Write a list of all the people you want at the wedding and get your fiance to do the same or sit down and do it together (or like me I sat and did it for the both of us and then got him to check it and add anyone I forgot). It doesn't have to be exact at this point because you will tweak it a hundred times but you need a rough idea for when you start crunching numbers and looking for locations.
Budget
I don't want to be vulgar and talk about money for too long but this is perhaps the biggest factor in deciding what kind of wedding you are going to have. Tradition would dictate that the Bride's father pays but this is 2016 and women are no longer chattle to be bought and sold. That said if Daddy is loaded and wants to pay for the whole thing then go for it just don't take advantage of ol' Dad's good will. We are by no means rolling in money but we had savings and with some generous early gifts from our parents in the form of cash we budgeted about £3000 for the wedding and £6000 for the honeymoon. A grand total of £9000 which is less than half of the UK average in 2016 which was between £20 - 28,000 and for us the majority was going on the honeymoon! The average price makes your eyes water to think of it but it soon adds up.
So £3000. Think of everything you could buy for that. Lots right? Not so much in Wedding Land but that doesn't mean you can't have the wedding of your dreams.
Where?
As I mentioned before Monkey is not an extravagant chap and we knew we were going try and cater it ourselves. So despite looking at websites and pictures for castles, stately homes and posh hotels they were ruled out. The cost of an all inclusive package (ceremony, reception and disco) at some of these started at £2500 usually for around 50 guests. Great right? But that left £500 for my dress, his suit, rings and all the blah blah blah......so keep looking.
Fortunately neither of us is particularly religious although I always have liked the idea if being married in a little stone church in the countryside but a quick reality check we lived in the middle of Newcastle and were trying to keep costs down. Running with the idea of a church though I believe in something after and a suppose you could call it my own sort of spirituality based on many beliefs - mainly don't be a dick and things will generally work out ok and Monkey is the same although if you asked him he might say he's straight up Jedi. Plus most churches actually require you to go every Sunday for a few months before. Now on my Sundays I enjoy sleeping in, coffee, pancakes and catch up tv. Monkey likes coffee, watching the Superbikes and pootling in the garage. So no church for us. That left us with registry office. For us this was the Civic Centre or town hall. Newcastle Civic Centre is just out of the city centre. From some sides it's a little 70's concrete but on others it's quite pretty and has a duck pond and grass and trees (already thinking of photo opportunities).
Once you've decided on the where, and you've double checked that it has the capacity for your guest list, it comes down to costs.
When we got married (August 2016) the price breakdown was this;
All pictures featured are my own, from friends and courtesy of Not Of This Earth wedding photography.
Today I sit here a married lady *Woop Woop*. I still forget and I am constantly correcting myself to my new surname. Gets me a few strange looks but I'm sure it will sink in eventually.
I am not trying to sound smug but I really would like to help any of you out there approaching matrimony because it is an expensive minefield and some times it feels as if you are jumping in blind and everyone is trying to tell you what to do.
I am going to endeavor not to do that but rather just tell you what I did. Here I am going to lay out how I did it in some hopefully logical steps. It worked for me and that's not to say it won't work for you, it may not be how you want to do it but take from it what you will. Crikey even find what you definitely don't want but it is just an offering of what I learned.
There is so much to think about - colour scheme? Dress? Flowers? Church or registry office? What paperwork needs to be done and when? Do you want bridesmaids? How many? Do you want kids at the wedding? Where will you have the wedding? The seating plan - who will sit next to that awkward family member who doesn't talk to X, Y or Z? Rings? Where will you have the reception and what will you eat/drink?
So first of all I say this. DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU AND YOUR FIANCE WANT TO DO AND (to be very blunt) FUCK EVERYONE ELSE. IT'S YOUR WEDDING. I don't know about any of you but I only intend to do it once and it is the one time you are allowed to be selfish.
*Note whilst I have sectioned these up in a somewhat logical order many of these will run almost simultaneously
Whadd'ya Want?
Monkey is not an extravagant fellow. He is pretty understated to say the least. Had I let him have it his way we would've eloped and combined the wedding with the honeymoon in New Zealand and either would have had little or no family with us.
 |
| Auckland's Skyline |
At first I wanted to do this too but I realised I wanted my mum, dad and sister there too. I wanted to be walked down the aisle by my dad. Then if we extended the offer to my family we had to do the same to Monkey's and suddenly the wedding party was growing fast. We asked my parents if they would come if we did it down under but they couldn't face the long trip. For me that was the idea off the table. My family unit is a small one. We have other family whom we love of course, but growing up, it was mainly the 4 of us so to not have them there just wouldn't work for me. Monkey realised this.....or I said as much....and so we compromised on a small wedding and reception (or party as Monkey called it) in the UK and the honeymoon in New Zealand being the main event or cost. So early days we decided on catering it ourselves and providing our own bar as we knew that this would help keep cost down.
Then there was picking a date. Monkey had to book his holiday for the year in late December/early January and for me working at the Teahouse I had a set week in August and over Christmas. We knew we wanted to go over to New Zealand during their early summer when the weather would be nice but we wouldn't be paying peak prices so that meant a November honeymoon (New Zealand peak time is December to January/February). This meant deciding on the when's fairly early. Winter can be a good time for a wedding but it is a double edged sword in late December. For most wedding locations winter is a low point of the year but then in the holiday season many of them turn to Christmas parties to make up their income. You also must factor that Christmas is always a time when people want to be with their loved ones so you might find that many of your friends are unavailable. This also meant that the honeymoon could be before the wedding.....This gave us August.
Finally guest list. Do you want a big wedding or a small one? We were aware of our budget and also aware of having the people we loved there. We set an absolute maximum which for us was 100 people and that helped. Write a list of all the people you want at the wedding and get your fiance to do the same or sit down and do it together (or like me I sat and did it for the both of us and then got him to check it and add anyone I forgot). It doesn't have to be exact at this point because you will tweak it a hundred times but you need a rough idea for when you start crunching numbers and looking for locations.
Budget
I don't want to be vulgar and talk about money for too long but this is perhaps the biggest factor in deciding what kind of wedding you are going to have. Tradition would dictate that the Bride's father pays but this is 2016 and women are no longer chattle to be bought and sold. That said if Daddy is loaded and wants to pay for the whole thing then go for it just don't take advantage of ol' Dad's good will. We are by no means rolling in money but we had savings and with some generous early gifts from our parents in the form of cash we budgeted about £3000 for the wedding and £6000 for the honeymoon. A grand total of £9000 which is less than half of the UK average in 2016 which was between £20 - 28,000 and for us the majority was going on the honeymoon! The average price makes your eyes water to think of it but it soon adds up.
So £3000. Think of everything you could buy for that. Lots right? Not so much in Wedding Land but that doesn't mean you can't have the wedding of your dreams.
Where?
As I mentioned before Monkey is not an extravagant chap and we knew we were going try and cater it ourselves. So despite looking at websites and pictures for castles, stately homes and posh hotels they were ruled out. The cost of an all inclusive package (ceremony, reception and disco) at some of these started at £2500 usually for around 50 guests. Great right? But that left £500 for my dress, his suit, rings and all the blah blah blah......so keep looking.
Fortunately neither of us is particularly religious although I always have liked the idea if being married in a little stone church in the countryside but a quick reality check we lived in the middle of Newcastle and were trying to keep costs down. Running with the idea of a church though I believe in something after and a suppose you could call it my own sort of spirituality based on many beliefs - mainly don't be a dick and things will generally work out ok and Monkey is the same although if you asked him he might say he's straight up Jedi. Plus most churches actually require you to go every Sunday for a few months before. Now on my Sundays I enjoy sleeping in, coffee, pancakes and catch up tv. Monkey likes coffee, watching the Superbikes and pootling in the garage. So no church for us. That left us with registry office. For us this was the Civic Centre or town hall. Newcastle Civic Centre is just out of the city centre. From some sides it's a little 70's concrete but on others it's quite pretty and has a duck pond and grass and trees (already thinking of photo opportunities).
 |
| Yep it rained on our wedding day but it didn't wash out the party..... |
Once you've decided on the where, and you've double checked that it has the capacity for your guest list, it comes down to costs.
When we got married (August 2016) the price breakdown was this;
- Booking Fee - £25
- Notice - £70 (£35 each)
- Ceremony Fee - £171
- Copies of the marriage certificate (3) - £12
TOTAL - £278
Please note the extra copies of the marriage certificate. Get at least three. When you are changing your name with all the different important parties - passport, drivers license etc they require the original document or full legal copy no photocopies. If you are changing everything at once you will need multiples and it is cheaper to ask for them in advance than to get them done afterwards.
So the next part of where is where are you going to have the reception? This is where the package deals come in handy because the ceremony and reception rooms are combined and are either the same room that you leave after the ceremony and go to the bar whilst the staff quickly change round. This can be lovely and you can use the same flowers to decorate the room twice, IF you are having flowers, and this can save you a fortune. Your choice of reception venue may also be based on food and cost charged per head. As I knew we were going to try and cater our own I didn't look too much into this but from some friends who got married last year also this could be any where from £20 per head for a sit down meal to £50 plus then extra per head for an evening buffet. Most reception venues love head counts. They make their money on head counts so if you are pinching pennies a low head count is a great cost saver.
For Monkey and I the choice was limited but I knew immediately in my heart a location that I knew I not only loved, but would be free for our date in August, it had a kitchen where I could prepare all the food, it could hold a good amount of people and bonus was right across the road from the Civic Centre so moving people from location to location would be easy. That place was my place of work the Quilliam Brothers Teahouse.
Now I know most people will not be as lucky as us by having such a location available to them. Especially when you factor in that we were able to use the Teahouse free of charge as a wedding present (for which we were incredibly grateful and the Brothers have our eternal love).
We would have been able to afford around £500 and that can point you in the price range of a village hall or function room at a pub which can be lovely. It may not be the first thing that springs to mind when you think wedding reception but a blank canvas no matter how basic can be dressed however YOU want (within reason and budget).
Now I know most people will not be as lucky as us by having such a location available to them. Especially when you factor in that we were able to use the Teahouse free of charge as a wedding present (for which we were incredibly grateful and the Brothers have our eternal love).
We would have been able to afford around £500 and that can point you in the price range of a village hall or function room at a pub which can be lovely. It may not be the first thing that springs to mind when you think wedding reception but a blank canvas no matter how basic can be dressed however YOU want (within reason and budget).
RECEPTION VENUE COST - £0
Guest List
You may have noticed I touched on guest list at the start of this post if you weren't too distracted by the sparkley ring on your left hand.
My advice is to work out your total max first. I also mentioned before that guest list will also largely be decided on your venues capacities and cost (see how it is all tying together). Do you want a small intimate ceremony and then the majority of people invited in the evening? Or do you have to have everyone there for the whole day with you? The latter can be lovely but if your ceremony and reception venues can hold a large amount of people just bear in mind that you will be charged per head for not only a wedding breakfast but also for the evening food.
The next decision is the minefield that is children and plus one's. My advice here is to apply a blanket ruling. You either allow them for one and all or say no to everyone. In my opinion, and this is just my opinion, if you say no children and no plus one's and your second cousin can't find a babysitter with nearly a years notice and kicks up a fuss or your fiance's work colleague is whining he can't bring his latest conquest, especially one you have never met just think if you really need them at your wedding?
We applied those blanket rules. The invite was for those alone written on the invite and we weren't going to have children at the wedding.
I think for most people the kid one is the biggest thorn in the side. I hear it all the time in the Bride and Wives groups that I joined (choose the right group and they are an invaluable source of ideas and support. Join the wrong one and welcome to high school bitchiness all over again).
We decided not to have children at the wedding not because I'm a bitch or because we hate children but for three reasons. I have had poor experiences at weddings where the beautiful ceremony was spoilt by the baby/young child in the next row crying or talking or fidgeting through the whole ceremony and I have missed hearing what was being said. I also wanted to give our family and friends with children a night off from being 'Mum' or 'Dad'. We wanted to enjoy their company and wanted them to enjoy themselves and not worry what the kids were doing/if they had eaten/were tired and kicking off. Lastly the reception was being held at my place of work. It was not a playground and it had two flights of stairs that I was worried about falling down in my wedding shoes let alone an inebriated adult or worse a child.
If you are struggling I just want you to repeat this little mantra - This is YOUR wedding.
If someone else can't imagine not having kids at theirs fine. But this is your day and it's about what YOU want. I won't sugarcoat it. It is a minefield of family politics. You will have to compromise on a lot of things during the planning process but if it something you feel strongly about stick to your guns. Good luck!
For Monkey and I our limit for the ceremony was 70 people which included ourselves and our photographer. That's just 67 guests and then another 33 max to join us at the reception.
Now I can see you thinking that 100 people is a lot. It's not. Imagine your family. Now your fiance's. For me my family is 6 people. For Monkey it is somewhere around 28. I also have a collection of aunties and uncles (god parents and the like) so that's another 12. Our close friendship group is an additional 16. Plus my best friends from university and their husbands another 8. That's 70 people without trying. When you add work colleagues and close friends not included in that initial inner sanctum we had another 40 people which was 10 over our maximum.
The final stage is the occasionally brutal whittling. But we did it we had our 100!
Now this is the basic of basics. The preliminary of preliminaries. But if you have planned these out you have the When, Where and Who and you know how much money you have in the piggy bank for it all. You deserve a drink!
My next blog will be looking at the quagmire that is deciding on the wedding party, the photographer, the dress, the rings and all the other fluff that makes up the day and will lead us finally to the most important part - The Food!!!!
All pictures featured are my own, from friends and courtesy of Not Of This Earth wedding photography.
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